do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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