Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
