I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
