I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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