I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
