I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
being pregnant is like rehab
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
