It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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