My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
