I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
God I need to hump something, right now.
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