So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
