I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
