Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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