My friends, they love my intelligence
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
