I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
