i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
