come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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