I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
