I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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