Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize