Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
