dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
