to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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