I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
