I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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