dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
