Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize