This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am naked and annoyed.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
