yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
