I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
