Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
