i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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