Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
