question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize