puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
