9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
