I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
