Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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