i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
