So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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