some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
