i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
