I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Randomize
