I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
