I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
