Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
im calling her cock vulture from now on
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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