4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
