I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
