Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize