Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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