3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
