She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
