i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
