I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize