Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My dick has a subreddit
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
