I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
