I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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