Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
