Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
