Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
