ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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