Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize