i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
