I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
