it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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