we have pet lesbian snakes
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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