the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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