Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
