roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
