Redeem this text for a blowjob
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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