Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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