conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
