Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I puked a lego.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
