yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
