I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
