shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
