worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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