we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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