Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
