i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
