I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
