I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she looked like the before picture.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize