she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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