I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
tell me about the eggs
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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