I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
