i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
