I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
