yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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