I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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