Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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