And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
