you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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