You're so nebulous sometimes
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
