i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
