You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
