I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
