1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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