Define "chronic" masturbator.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
