In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
