small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
