Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
