i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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