Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
