Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize